Love, Sex and Relationships in 2022 The Week that Was. The Wrap #7

14 min readFeb 20, 2022

editors: @robtyre and @lindsayfraser and supported by submissions from the Grey Swan Guild Wrap Newsdesk. The Wrap is an example of stuff we do at The Grey Swan Guild.

There are as many types of love as there are colours of the rainbow including the infrared and ultraviolet ranges. In the West, many conflate love to be the relationship between a pair of romantic partners and, until recently, mostly the romantic love between a woman and a man.

The Greek philosophers, always systematic, classified love into 6 different kinds of relationships, which are more realistic over one’s time on the planet and the type of relationships that enrich our lives and we are built to create. 6 words for love. They are:

Eros, or sexual passion
Philia, or deep friendship
Ludus, or playful love
Agape, or love for everyone
Pragma, or longstanding love
Philautia, or love of the self.

If you’ve known and explored them all deeply, you are rich indeed. Maybe this is related to Dunbar’s 5 types of friends? As you can see, the number matches because one of the Grecian loves is self-love which is part of life, health and well-being. There is more on that later in The Wrap, as post-modern self-love is amplified with apps and smart toys.

In the last two years, across the world, unevenly, unfairly, disproportionally, inequitably, excitingly, interestingly, scarily, frighteningly and lovingly our most intimate relationships have had pressure to change or remain the same. As with tech or work, changes in morals and more seem to have accelerated from where they started or have started in the prior decades.

Early in the pandemic, there were guesses and worries about divorce rates, delaying marriages, dating, mating, domestic violence and impacts over the long term of staying 6 feet apart or living too long on Zoom in two dimensions.

It seems in cities and countries across cultures and nations, that many people are in a state of liminality. The waves of COVID-19 and uncertainty over variant and prolonged social restrictions have not helped. How will things end? Or will the things we expect from sex, love and relations change in new and unexpected ways?

When will new partnering, new relationships and bonding structures settle in or will conservative reactions take us back to stricter controls like the Western Victorian era of the past or the dystopian view Margaret Atwood laid out in The Handmaid’s Tale?

Maybe the best thing is to use our imaginations to see what possible futures can unfold from where we are now. In our current lives, the situation has changed us and perhaps our fantasies too. In a UK 2021 study, almost 600 subjects looked at the impact of government control on sexual fantasy and solitary sexual behaviours.

“Overall, 34.3% engaged in more sexual fantasizing during lockdown; women were more likely than men to report this increase. Living context and relationship status were predictors of increased fantasizing. Of all, 30.44% reported an increase in at least one solitary sexual practice. This increase was associated with an increase in sexual fantasizing and also with increased pornography consumption. Nineteen percent of participants reported an increase in pornography use, with men being more likely than women to report this increase. Participants mostly attributed their increases to boredom, increased free time, and replacing partnered sex.”

Fantasy has a habit of becoming reality, n’est-ce pas?

This edition of The Wrap looks at recent stories in the news cycle about how sex, love and other intimate relationships have changed for the better or worse.

Have your relationships changed? Your sex life? Your view of what you consider to be normal, safe and healthy? Love may hurt or maybe the greatest thing of all, but some things ring true over and over whether in Latin, English or Swahili.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” Corinthians

So let's talk about it. Wrap on you shiny things.

The Kick-Off — 10 Sexy Grey Swan Predictions for the next decade 😲

A big wave of humans with robot sexual partners
Marriages and relationships are intertwined with digital twins of the partners. These twins are private to the couple
Marriage and long-term intimate relationships occurring in emerging advanced metaverse games like Fortnite and WoW
A top 10 best selling piece of erotic fiction generated by AI algorithms
Smart condoms infused with sensors and reactive materials to enhance sexual experience and health are invented
Sexual behaviours are tracked and added to “social credit” scores that aim to control people. The state enters matchmaking
Software viruses that act just like STD’s in real life with massive affect gameplay and interactions between avatars.
Vaccinations and bloodstream nanobots are designed to enhance or improve blood flow or manage inflammation that affects the reproductive organs of humans. There will be nanobot hesitancy.
Prostitution and sex-work continues to scale in online communities
Smart Sex toys that teach humans how people how love themselves and love others better for the betterment of humanity (or continuing education everywhere)

The Great 🤗

1.The art of the heart may be in storytelling. “Paris Brain Institute neuroscientist Pauline Pèrez and colleagues monitored volunteers’ heart rates during a series of experiments, using an electrocardiogram.

Listening to a 1-minute snippet of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea in one experiment, or a few minutes of instructional videos in another, heart rates were seen to synchronize between study participants, regardless of where they were.

The instructional video showed this phenomenon was not tied with emotion, which is something previous studies have theorized after observing this synchrony in people watching the same movie.

But disrupting the volunteers’ concentration — by making them count backwards or subjecting them to distracting sounds — diminished the synchronicity of their hearts, and their ability to recall the narrative.”

2.Go go gadget, buzzzzz. The Vibrator Review which went viral. Here is a taste — “I hit the suction button setting to level 5 or 6 and hit the g spot button as well. And made a minor adjustment on suction placement. At least I think that’s what happened. Because I’m pretty sure I blacked out. My legs went straight out like those goats who faint when scared.”

And yes, the wonderous matching became a best seller. Read it all and enjoy.

It may be no surprise that sex toys did very well during restrictions and lockdowns.

3. A very important cure. A Woman Is Cured of H.I.V. Using a Novel Treatment might this change our attitudes towards casual sex in the long term? She is the third person ever to be cured. Researchers announced that the new approach holds the potential for curing more people of racially diverse backgrounds.

The Good 😇

1.Bang a Gong. This may seem to belong in the bad or uncertain sections but the reason we think this is good is in the normalization of discussing sexual issues across the broad spectrum of relationships. Moving to treat these as human issues will result in better supports, understanding and positive tolerance for all of us. “The COVID-19 pandemic has exhausted LGBTQ+ people in many ways. As we enter our third year living through this traumatic experience, our communities continue to experience disproportionately negative impacts with little structural support in place to protect us or our livelihoods. As a result, we rely on our chosen families and communities for care and mutual aid. It is no wonder that pandemic-related isolation or quarantine periods, which prevent us from spending quality time with loved ones in safe gathering spaces, have impacted our mental health.”

2.Love Actually? There has been a sharp drop in one-off encounters, researchers say, but more people are enjoying friends with benefits and getting experimental in bed. “A lot of people, in the pre-pandemic days, used to really like one-night stands, too. The sex therapist Jenny Keane hosts a wide-ranging sex chat through her Instagram account. On it, one woman wrote appreciatively: “The sex is purely focused on pleasure. You’re not thinking about your relationship dynamics, them not doing the dishes. It’s about being served and cared for physically. It can be a very empowering and beautiful thing.

But not anymore. While it is difficult to separate the immediate pandemic effects from long-term trends, the one-night stand has been replaced by encounters that may still be casual, but aren’t total one-offs: the friendship with benefits, if you like, or the situationship.”

Going the other way from allosexual to asexual behavior? Not that there is anything wrong with that. Considering voluntary celibacy? Here’s what people have to say about the pros and cons.

3. Mutually supportive relationships improve future health. Good relationships mean an individual receives but also gives significant support — scientists say that the giving may improve future health.

“The COVID pandemic especially highlighted the crucial importance of talking about problems and reaching out for support from loved ones. A different team found that Canadian suicide survivors were six times more likely to heal if they had someone to “confide” in. Data shows that loneliness literally changes the structure of the human brain, an issue that clinically vulnerable individuals still struggle with as the virus continues to dominate globally.”

The Bad😯

1.Come again? “Scientists have repeatedly demonstrated that the COVID-19 vaccines do not cause fertility issues, but mounting research shows the virus itself can impair sperm production and a couple’s ability to conceive”

2.Allo What? “Apart from the fact that we could spread this virus, do we still want to be allosexual? According to the French Institute of Public Opinion (IFOP), it would seem not. During the first lockdown, more than 25% of couples reported having no or less sexual activity than usual. The libido, along with our social, cultural, and professional life, has diminished. At least for some, there is no consensus either on the frequency or on the satisfaction of intercourse. The fact is that, as Alain Giami explains, for many couples, confinement increases eroticization; for others, it decreases it. From a purely “physical” point of view, the virus has also disrupted our sexuality. A study conducted on subjects in Rome observed the persistence of symptoms 60 days following the outbreak of this pandemic. One in two respondents described three if not more symptoms after that interval. The most frequently experienced complications: significant fatigue (in 53% of cases), dyspnea (difficulty in breathing), and joint pain. Such context is likely to impact the quality, frequency of sexual relationships and may even generate a certain apprehension”

3.Can we just get together like we did last summer and twist by the pool? “Background Social distancing measures to reduce the spread of COVID-19 may profoundly impact young people’s relationships. This study compared adolescent and young adults’ romantic relationships and sexual activity before and after social distancing policies were enacted. In June 2020, 351 youth participating in an ongoing intervention study in Fresno County, California completed an online survey about their experiences related to COVID-19.” Adolescents and young adults have continued to engage in sexual and romantic relationships during the COVID-19 pandemic, although many reported physical distancing from their partners. Results suggest that youth continue to need access to sexual health education and services during emergencies such as the COVID-19 pandemic.

The Ugly 😡

1.Tears are not enough. Domestic Violence spike during COVID-19 lockdowns and economic pressures. “Roughly 1 in 7 of Michigan women, trans people and nonbinary people experienced violence from an intimate partner — similar to pre-pandemic levels — 1 in 10 saw new, more frequent or more severe violence”, according to a Feb. 8 U of M release.

2.The Tinder Swindler, a documentary about a con man who used the dating app Tinder to defraud multiple women, is one of the most popular shows on Netflix right now. (I highly recommend it). Valentine’s Day flower prices are at an all-time high. And the FTC issued its latest report on romance scams last week, disclosing that “consumer losses to romance scammers have gone up 80 percent since 2020, reaching a record high of $547 million in 2021.”

3.Climate change forcing Zimbabwean girls into sex work. As climate change continues to devastate rural areas, young women are moving to urban centres — and into prostitution.

The Uncertain 🧐

1.Does she or doesn't she. Cuffing season refers to a period of time where single people begin looking for short-term partnerships to pass the colder months of the year. Cuffing season usually begins in October and lasts until just after Valentine's Day. … It makes sense, then, for cuffing season to be impacted by the weather. “In a recent “Cuffing Season” survey by The Balance, more than half of respondents ages 18 to 40 said they didn’t consider vaccination status a dealbreaker when choosing whether or not to pursue a relationship. One in five people surveyed affirmed that they would go on a date with someone who was unvaccinated, and 37% said: “it depends.” The factors it depends on, however, were not specified.”

2.This story breaks our hearts a bit. Is it online dating or dating or ALL CAPS messages that make things difficult in tiny Come from Away Newfoundland at the far far eastern end of Canada? Just because ‘there is an app for that’ doesn't make it simple to find a partner or for a partner to find you. https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/first-person/article-why-cant-i-get-online-dating-to-work/

Still, in 2021 it turns out that this once-in-a-century virus may have made more people willing to try ‘swiping right’ as Match Group, owners of the popular dating apps Tinder, Match.Com, OkCupid, Hinge, and Plenty of Fish just reported records across the year. [One company owns all that data? What possibly could go wrong with that?]

3.According to research from Stanford University, 19 per cent of people met their partners at work in 1995, but only 11 per cent in 2017.

And that was before COVID changed the social landscape and so many fewer of us have been at a physical workplace over the past two years.

“They fell in love in bush camps and operating rooms, while cleaning dishes in the office kitchen and spreading Cheez-Whiz on toast at the craft services table of a comedy show. They met while teaching English and selling computers, waiting tables and publishing books. These couples met in the workplace, and they may be part of a dying breed.”

4.There are changes that are happening in relationships. We expect there there will be more formal research. The natural experiments will be even larger because the amount of social data tracking in apps and streaming is so immense. New experiments are happening that are if interest. This study has nice structure, but the N is so small it’s cute… Still, the findings are of interest to all primates. “Changes in Sexuality During the COVID-19 Lockdown. Among the participants, 12.1% men and 18.7% women perceived an increase in sexual desire during the lockdown, while 18.2% men and 26.4% women perceived a decrease in sexual desire (Figure 1). Men (15.2%) and women (20.9%) observed an increase in arousal during the lockdown, while 12.1% men and 20.9% women observed a decrease in arousal during the same period. Moreover, the women experienced more difficulty in reaching orgasm than the men (6.1% men, 17.6% women), while in comparison with the pre-lockdown period, men reported reaching orgasms faster and more frequently than women (15.2% men, 3.3% women).”

Tapestry

Domestic Violence by State

Lexicon

Fauci-ing. This is the pandemic version of “ghosting” for a principle. In this case, it is ghosting someone because you feel that they are not following the same level of safety and health protocols that you have chosen to follow.

Podcast of the Week

The Future of Sex is a podcast bringing sex, tech & wellness together. It takes you inside the world of sextech, the emerging industry at the intersection of sexuality, technology, and what it means to be human in the middle of it all.

Join host Bryony Cole as she talks to sextech’s leaders and experts, from sex therapists researching skin hunger, to Cannasexual™ entrepreneurs who are finding ways to bring CBD and sex together, to astro-sexologists asking the tough questions like, is it possible to have sex in space? and can we reproduce in low gravity environments?

App of the Week

From Canada’s National Film Board — Clit Me a new interactive app to learn more about sexual health and knowledge about the clitoris. In the award-winning application, users play with their clitoris avatar by trying out different motion “techniques” on their smartphones to figure out what makes it happy. Created by the Jeunes Pousses 2018, an NFB production in partnership with UQAM, Clit Me aims to demystify female pleasure and that seemingly little-known organ we call the clitoris.

When first having sex with a new partner, 62% of heterosexual women will reach orgasm, compared to 85% of men. On the other hand, lesbian women reach orgasm 75% of the time. This phenomenon is referred to as the “orgasm gap. In their readings, the Jeunes pousses learned that one of the reasons the orgasm gap exists is that many people don’t know much about the female pleasure organ: the clitoris. Discovered in 1559, the clitoris has often been the victim of myths or even obscurantism. It was only in 2015 that the first 3-D model of the clitoris appeared. Little discussed in school textbooks, if at all, the clitoris continues to surprise many today.

Movie of the Week

The Tinder Swindle — fantasy for some, horror for others. “From the producers of Don’t F**ck With Cats, modern love is a dangerous game in the world of online dating, and not all that glitters is gold. Notoriously known as The Tinder Swindler, he has seduced and swindled young women for millions and is a fugitive from justice in several countries” - Youtube. So much for the romance of To Catch a Thief.